After my disasterous experience at CBT that I wrote about in my last post I called Talking Therapies and asked to change therapists. It was writing the post, and laying my thoughts out, that helped me see how really unhappy I had been with the therapist, I don't know if I would have had the courage otherwise. I spoke to a receptionist then got a call back from a manager, who was really nice, I was able to give the real reasons I felt I needed a different therapist, something I often find hard, lying about feeling ill to get out of something is preferable to telling the truth and saying my anxiety is playing up. The manager was very nice, and basically said that if I didn't feel comfortable with my therapist I needed a new one, and that was all it took.
I've had three sessions with my new therapist now, and it's so much better! She's really nice, and totally unshockable. My notes already mentioned my being bisexual, and during the second session, when we were going through a timeline of my life, the fact I'm in an open relationship came up, she barely reacted to this, just asked if I date other people as well as my boyfriend doing so. Last session I ended up talking a bit with her about biphobia and biearasure, and how the affect me, which was awesome.
The main thing that I am liking about my new therapist is that she thinks CBT shouldn't totally ignore childhood/past issues. We spent a whole session just talking through a timeline of my life and seeing everything laid out, in order, made a couple of patterns really obvious. I have always had problems keeping friends, and I've been abandoned by a lot of friends. There have been a few big occasions where I have felt unnoticed and uncared for when really emotionally hurting, for example when I was being bullied by my sister and my dad and step-mum did nothing. I've always been the sensible oldest child, this has led to taking on a caring role at a young age, and not talking about my mental illness because of not wanting to upset people. All of this does seem to work together with being a shy quiet person to be a perfect recipe for social anxiety.
I hadn't been feeling that optimistic about doing CBT for the second time, especially after having had a bad experience with a therapist, but I'm feeling a lot happier about it now. I've been feeling like this could be good for me, I like my new therapist, and I know from past experience that a combination of meds and therapy is good for me, so hopefully things will carry on being good.
Showing posts with label LGBT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LGBT. Show all posts
Tuesday, 16 September 2014
Thursday, 12 September 2013
OkCupid changed my life.
I've written on here about my quest to get more friends, including posts about Girlfriend Social and living a more fulfilled life, but I haven't yet written about the site that has made a really big difference to me - OkCupid. I don't really feel the need to explain how OkCupid works, but I was attracted to it mostly because it's free, but also because it has a reputation for having a huge, and fairly young, number of users.
I joined on a whim, but got quite into writing my profile, and fairly quickly went from lurking on the profiles of cute people without messaging them to actually writing and replying to messages. Lots of the people who I messaged didn't get back to me, but I've found myself being much more ok with that than I'd have ever expected. I've not historically been great with rejection, this is linked to the social anxiety thing of thinking people are just pretending to like me, but it's a lot easier on the internet. So a few of my messages get ignored, or conversations fizzle out, because it's online it feels very low-stakes, there are always more cute people to message.
The next step of OkCupid improving my socialisation and confidence was actually meeting people for dates, or kind of dates, I spent a lot of time trying to work out if I was on a date or not. I met up with four people over the course of a few weeks, including a couple who I've seen since as friends, and every time it was much better than I was expecting it to be. The first time was nerve-wracking, even meeting someone for lunch was a huge deal to me, but I've enjoyed myself so much. I've been a bit starved for female companionship, and OkCupid has changed that so much. I've had conversations about make up and feminism! I've sat by the Thames talking about having a changing sexual identity and being poly! A few months ago I didn't know anyone who I could do these things with, and perhaps it's ironic that a dating site has helped me find some really good friends, but I'm ok with that.
There have been some not so great moments too. I've spent some time not having my profile available for men to see, because I was so bored of getting either one word messages, or at the other extreme, constant requests for threesomes and long, sexually explicit fantasies. They used to upset me, but I'm getting a much thicker skin now. I've also worked out that the appropriate response is snarky reply, followed by blocking the guy, and it is always a guy.
Not all of the men who have messaged me have been like that though, many have been perfectly nice and it is not their fault that I've been generally uninterested. I have met up with one guy from the site, and it's was the most date-like date that I went on, so I have been using it in it's intended way. I've had a couple of conversations where people have expressed surprise about me using a dating site mostly for friendship, but I've found it pretty easy to carve out my own little niche. Not only have I met plenty of people who are interesting in pursuing friendship if nothing more comes out of the date, but I've also met people interested in more, despite the fact I'm in a relationship.
Though I didn't know when I joined there is quite an impressive polyamorous community on OkCupid, possibly helped by the fact you can set your relationship as 'seeing someone' while still using the site to meet people, and I've seen quite a few couples who both us the site, and link to each others profiles. Not only that, but it's fairly LGBT friendly (though could do with more sexuality and gender options) and with users able to add questions there is the oportunity to show a preference for ethic non-monogamy which affects your matches, increasing the chance of meeting like-minded people. It's because of OkCupid that I've met other poly people, been more confident in talking about my own polyamoury and been to a poly-friendly club night. Again, more unexpected, but amazing, benefits.
I know a lot of people who read this post won't be surprised by anything I've said, I'm preaching to the converted to some extent, and there will probably be people reading this I've met through OkCupid. That just provides more evidence of how great the site has been for me, it has changed my life, and for the better, in expected and unexpected ways. So, OkCupid, I love you!
I joined on a whim, but got quite into writing my profile, and fairly quickly went from lurking on the profiles of cute people without messaging them to actually writing and replying to messages. Lots of the people who I messaged didn't get back to me, but I've found myself being much more ok with that than I'd have ever expected. I've not historically been great with rejection, this is linked to the social anxiety thing of thinking people are just pretending to like me, but it's a lot easier on the internet. So a few of my messages get ignored, or conversations fizzle out, because it's online it feels very low-stakes, there are always more cute people to message.
The next step of OkCupid improving my socialisation and confidence was actually meeting people for dates, or kind of dates, I spent a lot of time trying to work out if I was on a date or not. I met up with four people over the course of a few weeks, including a couple who I've seen since as friends, and every time it was much better than I was expecting it to be. The first time was nerve-wracking, even meeting someone for lunch was a huge deal to me, but I've enjoyed myself so much. I've been a bit starved for female companionship, and OkCupid has changed that so much. I've had conversations about make up and feminism! I've sat by the Thames talking about having a changing sexual identity and being poly! A few months ago I didn't know anyone who I could do these things with, and perhaps it's ironic that a dating site has helped me find some really good friends, but I'm ok with that.
There have been some not so great moments too. I've spent some time not having my profile available for men to see, because I was so bored of getting either one word messages, or at the other extreme, constant requests for threesomes and long, sexually explicit fantasies. They used to upset me, but I'm getting a much thicker skin now. I've also worked out that the appropriate response is snarky reply, followed by blocking the guy, and it is always a guy.
Not all of the men who have messaged me have been like that though, many have been perfectly nice and it is not their fault that I've been generally uninterested. I have met up with one guy from the site, and it's was the most date-like date that I went on, so I have been using it in it's intended way. I've had a couple of conversations where people have expressed surprise about me using a dating site mostly for friendship, but I've found it pretty easy to carve out my own little niche. Not only have I met plenty of people who are interesting in pursuing friendship if nothing more comes out of the date, but I've also met people interested in more, despite the fact I'm in a relationship.
Though I didn't know when I joined there is quite an impressive polyamorous community on OkCupid, possibly helped by the fact you can set your relationship as 'seeing someone' while still using the site to meet people, and I've seen quite a few couples who both us the site, and link to each others profiles. Not only that, but it's fairly LGBT friendly (though could do with more sexuality and gender options) and with users able to add questions there is the oportunity to show a preference for ethic non-monogamy which affects your matches, increasing the chance of meeting like-minded people. It's because of OkCupid that I've met other poly people, been more confident in talking about my own polyamoury and been to a poly-friendly club night. Again, more unexpected, but amazing, benefits.
I know a lot of people who read this post won't be surprised by anything I've said, I'm preaching to the converted to some extent, and there will probably be people reading this I've met through OkCupid. That just provides more evidence of how great the site has been for me, it has changed my life, and for the better, in expected and unexpected ways. So, OkCupid, I love you!
Tuesday, 3 September 2013
A natural progression.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four years. We've not lived in the same city for most of that time, I've has two distinct periods of mental illness, there's been family problems and deaths, we're both had periods of unemployment or being unhappy in our jobs. Despite that we've been happy. We hardly argue, we talk all the time, he really is my best friend. To be honest we act more like a lovey-dovey couple who have been together a few months.
However, in the past few months there has been a big change in our relationship. It's never been a jealous relationship, in fact it has never been explicitly monogamous and one of us checking out another person is by no means a big deal. In fact, it often leads to jokes about how my boyfriend has a 'type', it's very easy for me to tell in a room of people who will catch his attention, he can do the same about me. Early on in our relationship he made out with another girl, when my boyfriend told me he was really worried I'd break up with him, but I really didn't mind. I can get jealous, very occasionally, but was not at all in this case, it just isn't really something that happens to me.
Although this incident was not repeated I think it stuck with both of us. A few months ago I turned 26, marking 10 years since I had any kind of sexual or romantic contact with a woman. My boyfriend has always said he wouldn't want to stop me experiencing this side of my sexuality, but for some reason this began to seem more urgent to both of us. Our relationship was clearly not going anywhere, but neither was my desire to be with a woman. I had also said I wanted my first time having sex with a woman to be just me, not a threesome, which my boyfriend respected and understood. With some discussion we moved from an implicit agreement I could have sex with a woman to an explicit one.
I joined OkCupid, which has been a revelation. I met up with a couple of people, meetings that turned out to just be friendly but also made me feel a lot more confident about what I wanted. It was around that time that my boyfriend and I had a discussion about fairness, about how I could sleep with another person but he couldn't. We also talked about what would happen if I met someone I really liked, who I wanted more than friendship or sex with. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but suddenly it seemed like the obvious thing to open up our relationship, to stop being at all monogamous.
He also joined OkCupid, both our profiles are very honest about our non-monogamy, and discussing people we're talked to or met through it has become part of our regular conversations. I've also done a lot of reading about polyamoury and non-monogamy, the internet is excellent for this, and it turns out I know a surprising amount of people who are ethically non-monogamous. One of these is possibly my closest female friend, she has a husband and a boyfriend, and is a real inspiration to me. We've talked quite a lot about her non-monogamy, and mine, and it's been really interesting and helpful. In fact everyone who I have talked to about non-monogamy has been, I feel like I've learned so much in the last few weeks.
This is the part that is hard to write, because I am very aware of respecting other people's privacy. All I can say is that my boyfriend and I's non-monogamy is no longer theoretical, and the whole experience has been both better and easier than I was expecting. There is no jealousy or insecurity, and for everyone involved there has been good communication.
I understand that my boyfriend and I are at the start of this journey, and though it has been overwhelmingly positive so far there are likely to be bad times. Already things have happened to change the dynamics we thought we would have - I mentioned that there is an explicit agreement we can both sleep/ have relationships with other women (he's straight, I'm not). This was because he didn't think he would be able to cope with me having sex with another man, this has been tested to destruction and disproved. So that's changed, in fact I have a date with a guy this week. It works because even before being non-monogamous we're very honest with each other and we communicate well.
I feel very positive about the way things are going, excited even. Non-monogamy is not for everyone, but I think it is for me, and I think it is for my boyfriend. I'm beginning to feel like a recent convert trying to get everyone else on board too, that's not what I'm doing, but I do want to talk about my experiences, and I'm just lucky they've been so good so far.
However, in the past few months there has been a big change in our relationship. It's never been a jealous relationship, in fact it has never been explicitly monogamous and one of us checking out another person is by no means a big deal. In fact, it often leads to jokes about how my boyfriend has a 'type', it's very easy for me to tell in a room of people who will catch his attention, he can do the same about me. Early on in our relationship he made out with another girl, when my boyfriend told me he was really worried I'd break up with him, but I really didn't mind. I can get jealous, very occasionally, but was not at all in this case, it just isn't really something that happens to me.
Although this incident was not repeated I think it stuck with both of us. A few months ago I turned 26, marking 10 years since I had any kind of sexual or romantic contact with a woman. My boyfriend has always said he wouldn't want to stop me experiencing this side of my sexuality, but for some reason this began to seem more urgent to both of us. Our relationship was clearly not going anywhere, but neither was my desire to be with a woman. I had also said I wanted my first time having sex with a woman to be just me, not a threesome, which my boyfriend respected and understood. With some discussion we moved from an implicit agreement I could have sex with a woman to an explicit one.
I joined OkCupid, which has been a revelation. I met up with a couple of people, meetings that turned out to just be friendly but also made me feel a lot more confident about what I wanted. It was around that time that my boyfriend and I had a discussion about fairness, about how I could sleep with another person but he couldn't. We also talked about what would happen if I met someone I really liked, who I wanted more than friendship or sex with. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but suddenly it seemed like the obvious thing to open up our relationship, to stop being at all monogamous.
He also joined OkCupid, both our profiles are very honest about our non-monogamy, and discussing people we're talked to or met through it has become part of our regular conversations. I've also done a lot of reading about polyamoury and non-monogamy, the internet is excellent for this, and it turns out I know a surprising amount of people who are ethically non-monogamous. One of these is possibly my closest female friend, she has a husband and a boyfriend, and is a real inspiration to me. We've talked quite a lot about her non-monogamy, and mine, and it's been really interesting and helpful. In fact everyone who I have talked to about non-monogamy has been, I feel like I've learned so much in the last few weeks.
This is the part that is hard to write, because I am very aware of respecting other people's privacy. All I can say is that my boyfriend and I's non-monogamy is no longer theoretical, and the whole experience has been both better and easier than I was expecting. There is no jealousy or insecurity, and for everyone involved there has been good communication.
I understand that my boyfriend and I are at the start of this journey, and though it has been overwhelmingly positive so far there are likely to be bad times. Already things have happened to change the dynamics we thought we would have - I mentioned that there is an explicit agreement we can both sleep/ have relationships with other women (he's straight, I'm not). This was because he didn't think he would be able to cope with me having sex with another man, this has been tested to destruction and disproved. So that's changed, in fact I have a date with a guy this week. It works because even before being non-monogamous we're very honest with each other and we communicate well.
I feel very positive about the way things are going, excited even. Non-monogamy is not for everyone, but I think it is for me, and I think it is for my boyfriend. I'm beginning to feel like a recent convert trying to get everyone else on board too, that's not what I'm doing, but I do want to talk about my experiences, and I'm just lucky they've been so good so far.
Tuesday, 30 July 2013
Learning to be an ally.
I've been thinking a lot about being a better ally recently. As a queer person and someone who has mental health issues I have one especially important ally - my boyfriend. He is not homophobic, he is not dismissive or scared by my mental health problems, he supports me constantly and knows when I need to talk and when I should be distracted with tea and Netflix. A lot of these things don't necessarily make him an ally though, not using homophobic language makes him a decent human being, it's coming to Gay Pride with me or talking to me on the phone during an anxiety attack that makes him an ally.
I think this difference is important. I read a wonderful blog post on it a few years ago, which sadly I can't find now, about how being an LGBT ally is more than just not actively being homophobic, it's about taking the next step, such as campaigning alongside LGBT people, or explaining to other straight people why their language is not acceptable. Importantly, it's about doing this because it is the right thing to do, not because you expect the LGBT (or black, or disabled, or sex worker etc) person to bow down at your wonderfulness.
I'm on both sides of the fence, I have allies, and I try to be an ally. I really think it is something you have to work at, you don't just wake up one morning and go 'I am an ally'. However, it is also not that difficult, so here are some simple steps:
1 - Listen. Listen when minorities talk, and pay attention to what they say. Resist to urge to interrupt them, and remember,what they are saying is their lived experience, a trans* woman talking about transmisogyny is not discussing an abstract experience, she is talking about her life. Listen to what you are told, and think about it.
2 - Educate yourself. If you are in the majority or the oppressor you should not expect the minority/ oppressed to be responsible for educating you. If a word you don't understand is used look it up, Google exists. Go further than that, read blogs and article, follow people on Twitter. I've only recently started reading sex worker blogs, the amount it is possible to learn in just a couple of days is amazing, and when people have put so much effort into making information available it would be rude to ignore it.
3 - Think. Think before you speak, think about what you are thinking. Why do you think mentally ill people are dangerous? Why do you need to know the state of a trans* persons genitals? Or how exactly two women have sex? This might lead down some unpleasant trains of thought, you might have to confront some pretty awkward things about yourself, I have in the last few months, but I think I am a better person for it.
4 - Step back. Sometimes the most important thing an ally can do is step back and shut up. Let the oppressed person speak for themselves is they are able or willing to. I might call out another white person's racist joke, but not if there is a POC in the situation. A good phrase to consider is 'nothing about us, without us'. It's used especially within disability rights groups, but is useful to remember in other situations, for example a conference on women in society, attended only by men.
4 - Listen. Listen again, keep listening. If someone calls you out for being racist or sexist or whatever, listen to them and look at what you said or did. It's very unlikely they're calling you out to be abusive, this goes back to point three - think about what has happened and why. If you're going to apologise do so in a heartfelt manner, understanding why you are doing so.
I'm trying really hard to follow these steps, I know I wrote that they were simple, but sometimes they aren't. It isn't nice to examine your behavior and realise you acted badly, but it is worth it. I have so much more to learn, and there is so much more to this topic. I found this blog post good, more points for me to think about, and more for me to learn.
I think this difference is important. I read a wonderful blog post on it a few years ago, which sadly I can't find now, about how being an LGBT ally is more than just not actively being homophobic, it's about taking the next step, such as campaigning alongside LGBT people, or explaining to other straight people why their language is not acceptable. Importantly, it's about doing this because it is the right thing to do, not because you expect the LGBT (or black, or disabled, or sex worker etc) person to bow down at your wonderfulness.
I'm on both sides of the fence, I have allies, and I try to be an ally. I really think it is something you have to work at, you don't just wake up one morning and go 'I am an ally'. However, it is also not that difficult, so here are some simple steps:
1 - Listen. Listen when minorities talk, and pay attention to what they say. Resist to urge to interrupt them, and remember,what they are saying is their lived experience, a trans* woman talking about transmisogyny is not discussing an abstract experience, she is talking about her life. Listen to what you are told, and think about it.
2 - Educate yourself. If you are in the majority or the oppressor you should not expect the minority/ oppressed to be responsible for educating you. If a word you don't understand is used look it up, Google exists. Go further than that, read blogs and article, follow people on Twitter. I've only recently started reading sex worker blogs, the amount it is possible to learn in just a couple of days is amazing, and when people have put so much effort into making information available it would be rude to ignore it.
3 - Think. Think before you speak, think about what you are thinking. Why do you think mentally ill people are dangerous? Why do you need to know the state of a trans* persons genitals? Or how exactly two women have sex? This might lead down some unpleasant trains of thought, you might have to confront some pretty awkward things about yourself, I have in the last few months, but I think I am a better person for it.
4 - Step back. Sometimes the most important thing an ally can do is step back and shut up. Let the oppressed person speak for themselves is they are able or willing to. I might call out another white person's racist joke, but not if there is a POC in the situation. A good phrase to consider is 'nothing about us, without us'. It's used especially within disability rights groups, but is useful to remember in other situations, for example a conference on women in society, attended only by men.
4 - Listen. Listen again, keep listening. If someone calls you out for being racist or sexist or whatever, listen to them and look at what you said or did. It's very unlikely they're calling you out to be abusive, this goes back to point three - think about what has happened and why. If you're going to apologise do so in a heartfelt manner, understanding why you are doing so.
I'm trying really hard to follow these steps, I know I wrote that they were simple, but sometimes they aren't. It isn't nice to examine your behavior and realise you acted badly, but it is worth it. I have so much more to learn, and there is so much more to this topic. I found this blog post good, more points for me to think about, and more for me to learn.
Wednesday, 17 July 2013
The 'Equal' Marriage Act.
Today should be a really happy day for me, The Equal Marriage bill has received royal assent, and is now the Equal Marriage Act, it's all official. I'm bisexual, if I wanted I could now marry roughly half of the people I'm attracted to. I always said I would never get married at all unless I could marry either a man or a woman with equal ease, and that a civil partnership didn't quite cut it. But.
There are so many buts.
Firstly, I could now marry a man or a woman, but if I were already married I would have a Spousal Veto if my partner were trans, if I did not want my partner to have gender reconstruction surgery they would have to divorce me in order to do so. I think this sentence the link above sums it up pretty well 'This creates what is possibly the most passive-aggressive legally sanctioned way to initiate a divorce ever, i.e. "I don't want to divorce you, but I'm going to veto your rights until you divorce me." I've not seen any major press coverage of the spousal veto, but then then of course I haven't, not when one of the major charities pushing Equal Marriage are Stonewall.
Stonewall are possibly the largest LGB charity in the UK, does that acronym look odd to you? That's probably because you're used to seeing LGBT or QUILTBAG or GLBTQIA or something else that acknowledges the presences of the trans* and queer people who were at the forefront of the Stonewall riots that Stonewall takes it's name from. They use the name of one of the defining moments of queer history, but don't address the problems and discrimination of the very people who started the riots. Other people than I have written amazingly about this, Stoptransphobia is a good place to start.
The main thing that has been bothering me increasingly, and especially today, is that so much campaigning has been poured into equal marriage, and I worry now it will just all drain away, but there is so much more to do. I can't even feel happy because I am so sad and angry about the appalling state of trans rights and disability rights in the country at the moment, about the huge stigma mental health carries, about how we are apparently in a 'post-racial' society, or the worsening state of LGBT rights in Russia. At least it's not just me, there's this amazing article, and this piece in the Independent.
The Equal Marriage act is something that could potentially make a huge positive difference in my future, and I know I should be happy about that, but it's not enough for me, I want everything to be equal, and truly equal, for everyone. Now I just need to try to feel angry rather than overwhelmed, and try and change more things for the better, while reminding others that just because it's now possible to marry someone of the same sex doesn't mean everything is perfect for LGBT people.
There are so many buts.
Firstly, I could now marry a man or a woman, but if I were already married I would have a Spousal Veto if my partner were trans, if I did not want my partner to have gender reconstruction surgery they would have to divorce me in order to do so. I think this sentence the link above sums it up pretty well 'This creates what is possibly the most passive-aggressive legally sanctioned way to initiate a divorce ever, i.e. "I don't want to divorce you, but I'm going to veto your rights until you divorce me." I've not seen any major press coverage of the spousal veto, but then then of course I haven't, not when one of the major charities pushing Equal Marriage are Stonewall.
Stonewall are possibly the largest LGB charity in the UK, does that acronym look odd to you? That's probably because you're used to seeing LGBT or QUILTBAG or GLBTQIA or something else that acknowledges the presences of the trans* and queer people who were at the forefront of the Stonewall riots that Stonewall takes it's name from. They use the name of one of the defining moments of queer history, but don't address the problems and discrimination of the very people who started the riots. Other people than I have written amazingly about this, Stoptransphobia is a good place to start.
The main thing that has been bothering me increasingly, and especially today, is that so much campaigning has been poured into equal marriage, and I worry now it will just all drain away, but there is so much more to do. I can't even feel happy because I am so sad and angry about the appalling state of trans rights and disability rights in the country at the moment, about the huge stigma mental health carries, about how we are apparently in a 'post-racial' society, or the worsening state of LGBT rights in Russia. At least it's not just me, there's this amazing article, and this piece in the Independent.
The Equal Marriage act is something that could potentially make a huge positive difference in my future, and I know I should be happy about that, but it's not enough for me, I want everything to be equal, and truly equal, for everyone. Now I just need to try to feel angry rather than overwhelmed, and try and change more things for the better, while reminding others that just because it's now possible to marry someone of the same sex doesn't mean everything is perfect for LGBT people.
This
creates what is possibly the most passive-aggressive legally sanctioned
way to initiate a divorce ever, i.e. “I don’t want to divorce you, but
I’m going to veto your human rights until you divorce me”. - See more
at: http://www.sarahlizzy.com/blog/?p=154#sthash.wSG3uN7q.dpuf
This
creates what is possibly the most passive-aggressive legally sanctioned
way to initiate a divorce ever, i.e. “I don’t want to divorce you, but
I’m going to veto your human rights until you divorce me”. - See more
at: http://www.sarahlizzy.com/blog/?p=154#sthash.wSG3uN7q.dpuf
This
creates what is possibly the most passive-aggressive legally sanctioned
way to initiate a divorce ever, i.e. “I don’t want to divorce you, but
I’m going to veto your human rights until you divorce me”. - See more
at: http://www.sarahlizzy.com/blog/?p=154#sthash.wSG3uN7q.dpuf
Wednesday, 13 March 2013
Confidence raising through commenting on blogs.
My efforts to make friends through Girlfriend Social were not successful, but I have not been put of. I'm still not ready to start talking to people in real life, but I figure any little step I make is good, and so began commenting on two blogs I read, XOJane and Autostraddle. Between them these sites have, in just a few weeks, expanded my ideas and reignited my interests.
XOJane is the site that has sparked my interest in taking more care of myself, it's the reason I'm not eating sugar, the reason I now actually moisturise everyday (my skin feels so much nicer!) and gave myself a mini-manicure. It's matter-of-fact approach is perfect, real people recommending products they spend their own money on is great, but also the emphasis on self care as something that can improve the way you feel about yourself mentally is really good for me. Also, I often do a thing where I assume I won't like people, that I won't have anything in common with them. With XOJane I find myself wanting to be friends with so many of the writer's, because they are awesome, which has in turn made me think remember that a lot of the ways I think about friendship are informed by my social anxiety, but hopefully my CBT will help with that.
The other awesome thing about XOJane? It's reignited my interest in feminism! And not just feminism, the emphasis on intersectional feminism , so I've been reading posts that have made me want to read about disability rights, I've learned about fat acceptance. I've been more interested in wider things than I have been in ages, maybe this is just the antidepressants talking and I hadn't realised how much I'd been in a rut, but reading people's post, and the amazing comments section, has really had an impact on me.
Autostraddle is having the same effect on me, in different directions. It's a lesbian blog with a very queer feel, very inclusive, and very interesting. It's made me want to read about queer theory again, as well as reminding me how little I know about things like the Civil Rights movement. It's the only place where, when joining, I was able to tick the 'pansexual' box, normally I'm impressed if I can choose 'bisexual' or 'other'. Also, there is an amazing column that is just links to interesting articles, not generally about queerness, but about all sorts of other things, the KKK, child beauty pageants, medical insurance. I've been trying to read a wider variety of fiction and nonfiction, and this column makes it easy.
These two sites have made me feel part of a community, even before I started commenting, and I like commenting, I find it easier to talk to people online, and both sites are so friendly and casual. If I can talk to people easily online, even if it's just saying I liked their article, or that I too can't stand tinned tuna, it's a step closer to be being comfortable talking to people in real life.
XOJane is the site that has sparked my interest in taking more care of myself, it's the reason I'm not eating sugar, the reason I now actually moisturise everyday (my skin feels so much nicer!) and gave myself a mini-manicure. It's matter-of-fact approach is perfect, real people recommending products they spend their own money on is great, but also the emphasis on self care as something that can improve the way you feel about yourself mentally is really good for me. Also, I often do a thing where I assume I won't like people, that I won't have anything in common with them. With XOJane I find myself wanting to be friends with so many of the writer's, because they are awesome, which has in turn made me think remember that a lot of the ways I think about friendship are informed by my social anxiety, but hopefully my CBT will help with that.
The other awesome thing about XOJane? It's reignited my interest in feminism! And not just feminism, the emphasis on intersectional feminism , so I've been reading posts that have made me want to read about disability rights, I've learned about fat acceptance. I've been more interested in wider things than I have been in ages, maybe this is just the antidepressants talking and I hadn't realised how much I'd been in a rut, but reading people's post, and the amazing comments section, has really had an impact on me.
Autostraddle is having the same effect on me, in different directions. It's a lesbian blog with a very queer feel, very inclusive, and very interesting. It's made me want to read about queer theory again, as well as reminding me how little I know about things like the Civil Rights movement. It's the only place where, when joining, I was able to tick the 'pansexual' box, normally I'm impressed if I can choose 'bisexual' or 'other'. Also, there is an amazing column that is just links to interesting articles, not generally about queerness, but about all sorts of other things, the KKK, child beauty pageants, medical insurance. I've been trying to read a wider variety of fiction and nonfiction, and this column makes it easy.
These two sites have made me feel part of a community, even before I started commenting, and I like commenting, I find it easier to talk to people online, and both sites are so friendly and casual. If I can talk to people easily online, even if it's just saying I liked their article, or that I too can't stand tinned tuna, it's a step closer to be being comfortable talking to people in real life.
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